He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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