Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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