I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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