He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize