He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Found the puke drawer
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
