I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
