"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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