This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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