In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
