i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
