Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
