we're blogging at a bar
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
