I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
