Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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