I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
