dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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