she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
this hospital has no fireball
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
