is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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