Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
