Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
