Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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