I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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