So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
