you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
