we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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