he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
