I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
