My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
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I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My boob is missing a layer of skin
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Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Two words: blizzard sex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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