God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
