I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
