btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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