Christians are straight up FREAKS
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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