i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
