i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
