God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
