They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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