highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
