the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
