So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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