Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
