I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
