Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
