I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Randomize
