just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
