U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
