she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
