before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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