Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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