im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
