He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize