i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
