Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just tell him i said nine months
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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