Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
