Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
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Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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