I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
