I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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