I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
