Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
