Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(480): View more from Arizona

too bad you live with your parents still

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(319): View more from Iowa

i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit

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(925): View more from California

All I want is tacobeell and your body

(1-925): View more from California

that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.

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(703): View more from Virginia

Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs

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(509): View more from Washington

Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems

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