Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
