So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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