I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
