Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
