I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
