You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
