I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
