These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
