Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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