My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
either way he was missing a nipple.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
