Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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