She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
