Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
