...so i touched it.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
