I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize