Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
it's great music for shaving your balls
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
