Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
