I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
