I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize