There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
