I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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