I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
